Roy Brush has aspirations to be a great footballer and this seems likely when he scores for England in the European Cup Final. To add to this he becomes a national hero, having seemingly saved a young lad from drowning. But Roy has a secret - he is gay - and the editor of the scurrilous 'Scum' tabloid is making it his business to out him. However, with the help of his manager, Roy is able to triumph at an inspirational climactic football match, where his tears touch the heart of the nation - and pundit Jimmy Twizzle gets very high on mushroom tea.