SEBASTIAN, a translator of dead romance languages, and IDA, his roommate, a cyber-chick nudist, both long for love. Sebastian retreats into obscure poetry. Ida idealizes HIPPO, whom she's only ever met on-line. Ida lives in her nudist AUNT GERTRUDE's house. Gertrude, misunderstanding their relationship, wills the house to Ida and her husband, with the remainder going to Gertrude's poodle, NOODLES. Ida fears losing her home and begins looking for a man. Hippo schemes to swindle Aunt Gertrude with his pet cemetery. Ida sees Aunt Gertrude pass out on her web cam and fears the worst. Sebastian offers to marry her so she can keep the house. Ida throws him out. Sebastian sleeps in his car until an alluring artist/thief, STONE, who makes art from junk, starts taking it apart. Sebastian follows Stone into his workshop and falls in love. Ida decides to call Hippo for the first time.