Pssst. Hey you, pal. You want to buy several million barrels of crude oil really cheap? No takers? No wonder. Nothing seems to be going right for swindlers Jonathan Harris and his nephew Sven. Their last coup was bungled when a cat set off the alarm during a bank vault break-in. And now they've hijacked a tanker but can't find a buyer for the oil. The sinking feeling that they've hijacked the "tanker of the damned" sets in when the ship's "cook" reveals she's on a mission to blow up the ship so the owner can collect the insurance premium - and when a great big scary Russian thug and his henchmen spread fear, panic and baksheesh in an effort to gain control of the ship. Meanwhile, Sven's girlfriend has just found a nice Italian family to buy the oil - the Mafia.